God damn, two weeks of painting is really, really scary.

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Art Crash Details, Continued:

There were really two new techniques that came out of the Art Crash 300. The first was the black and white ink...I'd never actually gotten to paint with real ink before. The other technique is what I'd call "rotoscoping" for lack of a better term. It basically meant that I took another picture, painting, or advertisement, and covered it with paint until I was happy. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't....but that''s the same as any style. Some people find the rotoscoping thing cool, others consider it a cheesy cop-out. Whatever your thoughts on the matter, I pretty much spent a bit of time trying to figure it out. The next 20 paintings are examples of it (and there are a few earlier ones. Someone recommended I try repainting things, and I took them up on the idea.

I have no qualms about admitting I took pages from a Grand Theft Auto: Vice City strategy guide and covered them with paint. Also, I hated that game so it wasn't a hard decision to make.

Yes, I literally rotoscoped the original poster from "Attack of the 50 ft. Woman."

Let me tell you story. Here in Berlin there's a magazine called The Ex-Berliner. In the back of the magazine is an adivce column. Basically they post slutty pictures of a model showing off here boobs and the premise is that's the woman that's giving you advice. Only me and a lot of people don't think that "Dr. Dot" is a woman at all. The biggest issue is that here sex advice is the worse ever "grab her hips and use her like a cheese-grater" and her answer to when my wife asks me if she looks to fat was to say "You know, you could stand to lose a few pounds." Then again, maybe porn stars are just out of touch with normal people and the Dr. Dot column is an experiment in absurdity. I just don't know.

Faces become pretty scary when you paint over them with flesh tones. Particularly that 2nd one.

While I can't take total credit for the brilliance of this one, there's something to be said for painting over flyers for fetish nightclubs.

More postcard rotoscoping.

A friend challenged me to try rotoscoping over something that we'd all seen recently. The King Kong movie poster was acceptable, but didn't quite work out...though I do like how his nose is naturally heart-shaped.

If you ever wanted to know what my older woman looked like, this is a close as you'll get at this moment.

The Berlin Zoo has a tourism guide that is the only way to get a map of the Zoo. Since I had one lying around, I figured a few of the pages would be worth playing with.

How could I not fool around with this screenshot from the 1st real horror film, Nosferatu?

"The Pickle of the Future tells me things I don't want to hear", from the request that I paint a "phallic pickle fight."

I totally failed at this one. The request was "paint the scariest dirtiest barbarian that you can." I like the painting, but he's really much cleaner than I wanted him to be.

"Unhealthy Fetish." When someone asked me to paint a fetish painting, that weird episode of CSI where those people get off by removing their limbs came to mind.

"Red, Red Robot", from the request of the same name. By the way, has anyone else notice that I almost habitually paint Mt. Fuji in the background of every giant monster painting that I do?

The Artic Mafia, based off the request "paint a polar bear robbing a bank."

"The Spider God", painted for kicks.

"Red Riding Hood", from the request that I illustrate a few fairy tales.

"Escape d6." I painted this in response to the small novel someone gave me about their dark elf character. I don't mean to be mean, but I will say that I can relate.

"The Ushers Ruined my Wedding", based off the suggestion that I paint something from the Pac-man cartoon.

"Rapist Robot", from the request that I paint the Rapist Robots from the classic film, Flesh Gordon.

Someone very, very racist suggested I paint something terrible. Instead, I painted "Nubian Ghost King."

It's a yeti. It's supposed to be a "Knott Yeti" as requested, but it's just a yeti.

Role-players love asking me to paint their characters. Here I've painted someone's Orc Sailor, who fights pirates and evil wizards on the high seas. Since the guy wasn't a pirate, I had to paint him in the classic sailor costume. God damn it, was that outfit every not the gayest thing ever?

"I am so delicious." Painted based off the suggestion "Eat me."

"The Mysterious Bat", an early ink experiment continuing my crusade that Batman is very unoriginal when you realize he was based off the masked Movie criminal "The Bat". (Click here for some quick reading of an old article)

"Rhaspody Mask", another ink experiment.

"Pacman Dreams" based off the suggestion "8-bit philosophy."

I like Mummies. Sorry.

This is actually a painting of " Iggy and Pongo", a slightly goofy character (or characters?) from The Void.

"Lost", based off the request of the same name.

"The Alien." While this is exactly what the request said ("paint The Alien"), that has to be the most uncreative title for a piece ever.

Don't be offended. It's a joke. And when you think of Easter, do you think of zombie messiahs or do you think of Easter Eggs and candy?

"Men have Needs", based off the personal drama going on in a friends life at this moment.

These were all the first experiments by combining ink with a single watercolor. Obviously I would explore this technique further on in the Art Crash.

"I Don't want to picture them having sex" was probably the hardest request to paint, because ever design I kept coming up for it was just too awful. This one seemed safe.

Early on in the Art Crash, these were the first Rotoscope experiments. The 1st two pages are from a German erotic lingerie catalog I got in the mail, while the remaining three were from the Berlin Zoo guide.

And of course I painted the weekly banner for the website during the Art Crash.

These were the 1st two Ink paintings I did. One was based off the request "Zombies Everywhere" and the other was the Skull Panda from the webcomic "Sam & Fuzzy". I got real Indian Ink as a gift (all my previous use of black was actual black watercolor) and I thought it worked out really, really well. Combine that with a mailbox filled with "MORE INK!" emails made me ignore requests for a little while just to get the hang of a new tool. The following are mostly not requests, but hey, I think they're cool. So no details for these...you know, because they were all just examples of me spending an evening or so with a new toy.

The Megaman Robot Bosses. Wow. It seemed like a good idea at the time...but by the end I was freaking sick of Megaman Robots. A LONG time ago, someone suggested I do a "Megaman is Special" series where I paint every Megaman Boss. That's a big project because there are about 200 of them (if you include the retarded ones like Tornado Onion and Frost Walrus). Anyway, I figured I'd spend a day or so painting the goofiest ones I could find. Some of them ended up cool, but look at the next thirty or so paintings as a mini-review of Megaman video games. I did a little research, and all of these bad boys appear in one Megaman game or another. I promise.

Skullman has to be the coolest Megaman boss ever, if only because, you know, skulls are cool.

I apologize but I still think Starman "throwing up the horns" is comedy gold.

Hey, I've got an idea: Let's make a battle robot who's made of something really, really fragile. I know: Let's make Crystalman!

A robot in mittens, santa hat, and skis isn't cool at any speed.

Killerman. Where EVER do they get these names? I wonder what Killerman does? Pass out kittens to the homeless? Wait, if they're homeless they're hungry so the kittens would end up being....gah. Nevermind. Bad example. Let's move on.

While Dr. Wily (the inventor of most of the evil robots in the early games) probably would have won an award for "most creative design" for this one, creating a highly sophisticated robot out of WOOD that throws leaves at his enemies is pretty close to retarded.

Apparently someone thought the idea of a dancing robot mushroom was a good one. And thus Split Mushroom was born.

As the games continued, Capcom (the company that made the games) started to run out of ideas. By the 8th game they were running out of combinations for boss names. You could only come up with so many ____Man names. So then things got weird. And they started to use animals (and fungi as above). I just want you to know that I changed practically nothing in my rendition of "Volt Catfish". Gah.

I painted Quickman very quickly. While I think that's pretty obvious, it seemed fitting.

Springman would have been much cooler if they'd named him Slinkyman.

While he's only really in one game, I couldn't pass of the juvenile pleasure that's found by painting a robot named Uranus. Remember what I said about them running out of boss names? In one game they said screw it and based all of the bosses off the planets of our solar system. I almost wish I'd painted Pluto: That was a pink furry robot with claws and breasts. I don't get it either.

Iceman...because we need more parka-wearing robots.

Numberman. While I've never seen him in action myself, he apparently "attacks Megaman with numeric assaults." I'm sure it's much cooler than...oh hell. No. Until Texas Instruments starts producing weapons of war, that just isn't cool. At all.

I remember Searchman from my video-game playing days. I didn't get him then either.

Magnetman: There is no spoon. You know what, it occurs to me that I've NEVER actually seen the "horseshoe-style" of magnet in my life. What the hell?

I swear to Christ, that's really how Capcom designed him. He's a robot that looks like he's dressed as a Junior High School mascot.

Circusman is cool, if only because he has magical number of hovering clown hands around him. I want magical clown hands hovering around me. Don' you?

Plantman. God. While I thought Woodman was pretty lame, nothing is quite as sad as an evil robot built to look like a flower.

Judgeman is a pretty obscure Megaman enemy. Still, I had to bring your attention to the only killer robot that has a BOOK FOR A HEAD. Apparently, to quote Stallone and Judge Dread, he "IS the Law." Or something. I don't know.

Elementman was a mistake, because it was really, really, really hard to find a picture of him online. I thought he'd be weirder or more lame, but after spending a crazy amount of time to find a picture, I had to go ahead and paint him.

Apparently I started drinking and thought Knightman was interesting. He sort of is, but I didn't make the "smokestack plume" on his helmet obvious enough. Oh well.

Hey Steve, what did you do with that research grant the university gave you? Oh, you built a giant robotic man-squid named Squid Adler. Um. That's cool. I guess.

Don't even pretend that Sharkman isn't a cool idea. Well, it's better than "Toadman" in any case.

Ah, Cutman. You were in the 1st Megaman game and had office scissors on the top of your head. You also were one of the few robots with handles on the side of your head, but the less said about that the better.

If Megaman's Japanese name is "Rockman", I'm not surprised he's got "Punk" as an enemy. Now Capcom just has to come out with "Emoman", "Hardrockman", and "EasyListeningman."

Cloudman. Duh.

Ah, I've save the lamest for the last. Remember how I said Capcom was running out of names for their bosses? Eventually they'd do away with the entire "superhero-like name" thing and just start giving killer robotic half-man half-animals normal names. Well, normal might not be right word. That's a picture of "Duffy McWhalen", potentially the worst name for anything. Ever.

That's it for Megaman bosses. I'm sorry about that chunk of the Art Crash, but hey, this thing's all about diversity, right. Right? :confused silence: Oh. Let's move on:

"Under the Sea", based off the crazy suggestion that I paint "an octopus eating a shark eating a mermaid eating a deep-sea barracuda eating a crab."

"Tiki Time Mountain", interpreted from the charming request that I should paint a "mountain farting."

"Zombie Lincoln's Posse", based off the statement "Lincoln plagues us to this very day."

"Sweet Dreams", suggested to me when someone emailed the entire lyrics to the song "Sweet Dreams (are made of these, who am I to disagree?)" to me.

"Captain Kaiju", interpreted from the request "paint an unholy amalgamation of Ninja and Pirate."

"Shy Guys", from the suggestion "I am very Shy."

I have no idea why I painted this.

"My Poker Buddy." My friend requested that I paint a skeleton playing poker and smoking a cigar. Apparently everyone and their mother digs this as, at the time of writing this, I've had to tell far too many people that this one is not for sale anymore. Sorry about that, you people who are far too many. Now I'll just have to do an Art Crash that's nothing but me painting Skeletons playing cards or at the very least board games.

Someone asked for a pink dragon. To this day I still can't figure out if that's a six-winged dragon or a very poorly drawn action shot.

This painting is even weird than you think. It's actually a combination of an evil robot from "Transformers: The Movie" and the request that I paint a "primitive robot". I may have issues.

"Oxson", based off the request that I paint something about bull people and their children.

"Newt Ball." I totally screwed this one up. Those are salamanders. Oops.

""Lost Rabbit", combining the requests "A Lost Purple Bunny" and "a fox in an awesome hat".

"My Living Mouse lets me click on ANYTHING." This one was based off a tiny plastic computer I got in a Kinder-Egg. The tiny computer came with a tiny plastic mouse that had eyes. EYES, I tell you!

This straight forward painting was based off the idea that I should paint "a lamp that has become alive and won't let the person turn out the light."

"Abusive", based off the request that I paint the Joker and Harley Quinn.

"I'm Unclear on What I'm supposed to do", based off the suggestion "evil finger puppets."

"Appendage Inferno", based off the Void character Centipete.

"The survivor would return, riding an Artic Snail across the frozen sea", based off the suggestion "paint me a pirate snail."

Someone emailed me and said "paint me that big orange bastard". They included a link, but it didn't work. So I painted this.

This was actually painted to celebrate the webcomic HousD's 1000th comic. The actual webcomic is here but the guy's got an interesting side thing going where one of his characters pretty makes fun of webcomics. It touches on a few things that I'm interested in doing myself, so check IT out if you're curious.

"Furry Skyline", that stick figure comic again in 3-d watercolor and ink.

"My pants feel funny", from the request of the same name.

"You told me to paint the scariest clown possible."

"Hippo Song", used for Illustration Friday, this was actually based off the request that I paint a guy with a big mouth about to eat a yellow bird.

"Ent Farmer", based off the request "draw an Ent lumberjack drinking the biggest beer in the world."

I lied. THIS was the first thing I thought of when I got that request to paint "that big orange bastard."

This was the 1st painting I did that wasn't a request. I felt bad about it at the time. I also never bothered to name it.

"Brotherly Bond", based off someone telling me to paint them and their brother having a "kickass adventure."

"My Boss is a Monster", based off the request of the same name.

A lot of people have quietly brought up the subject of my sexuality. Sure, I talk about the older woman that I live with from time to time, but apparently I'm just a big Art FaQ to most of you people. While I don't mind your assumption either way, I still find it funny. So I decided to paint something a friend told me a little while ago "You're too Artsy to not like Cock."

"?", based off the suggestion "I can't get my hand to keep painting."

"Alien Angel" based off the request "What if angels are really just Aliens?".

"Five Minute Black Mage." Someone challenged me to do an entire painting in five minutes because it'd buy me lots of time during the Art Crash. While I know they were joking, I decided to try it out. It's not great, but it's not that bad either.

""My, I was hungry!", based off the suggestion: "The Most delicious sub in the world."

"The 2006 Kabooms", based off the request "exploding shoes".

"Self-Portrait", from the request "You should really make your first and last paintings self-portraits so we can see how much you've degenerated by the last day. This was the 1st painting of the Art Crash.

"Lefty, the one-eyed goldfish", from one fan's real life one-eyed goldfish named Lefty (click HERE for photos).

"Milk Money", from the suggestion "Milk."

"Cubist Pacman" from a suggestion by the same name. This one didn't work out, but I still say the theory was sound.

"Why I don't let Optimus Prime fix my car", remotely inspired by someone wanting to see a transformer driving an old car. It's more of a comic than a painting, but well, I paint my comics so shut it.

"Grim BigHands", from the suggestion that I paint the Spectre of Death.

"God damn those Ninjas", inspired from the suggestion: "Thing without a Face." This may still be my favorite painting of the Art Crash. Mabye.

"Vengeful Jungle Spirit", from the wacky suggestion that I draw a monkey with "flame shooting out of it's skull."

"The WeaveKing's Secret Window", from Illustration Friday's theme "Simple."

"Scissorgrin Smile", from the suggestion to draw a "big leeezard wit a buncha pointi teeths."

"The Jurassic Circuit Champ", for a Void community member who has an obsession with dinosaurs....wearing boxing gloves.

Now, every day there's going to be a theme or at least a theme-moment. Since I literally lost about 8 hours of my crash to technology poop, the only thing I really got around to was opening a Kinder Egg. For those who don't know what that is, a Kinder Egg is a chocolate egg that has a small plastic toy inside it. The contents are pretty random, so I thought it would be a good idea to grab a few, open them, and paint whatever the hell was inside. I did that this afternoon. Check out what I got:

I don't know what it is either. Usually these things come with a little card explaining how kids are supposed to have fun with the toy...but not this one. So it's a shell/feather/fin THING that's being held by an octopus. Well, that's pretty random, right? By painting of it titled "Lovecraftian Kinder Tower":

While that's about it, I did decide to do an Hourly Comic on the very first day that I decided to do this. It's not as...ahem..."detailed" as my other stuff because I was a busy painting like a madman and dealing with my stupid computer not working. Enjoy:

Feel free to email more requests to OhgodtheRats@aol.com. Even though this Crash is over, I'll be doing this again...I'm sure of it.

TAKE ME HOME!

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