The Incompletely Complete Accounting of Freddy Krueger's Kills!
What would Halloween have been without the 1980's? Kids would only be able to choose between stupid things like Dukes of Hazard characters or the Universal gang (you know, Frankenstein, Vlad, and all them). But then, something magical happened. Hollywood decided that horror films were the next awesome thing. Following its success a whole army of new directors set to work creating an entirely new chunk of Horror mythology for us. From Texas Chainsaw Massacre to Alien to Predator to Friday the 13th to Gremlins to Hellraiser to Terminator to, the one and only, Nightmare on Elm Street. Oh, America, where would we be without Freddy Krueger?
Freddy freakin' Krueger. Every kid wanted to tape knives to their fingers and wear a Christmas sweater because of one guy. Suddenly it was COOL to be a burn victim. I was too young to really get the Freddy movies when they were coming out...I had to wait until they would all play Gatling-Gun marathon style every Halloween on my television. So why is Freddy Krueger so cool? What's the appeal? Is it his sense of humor? His snazzy hat? The fact that he liked to molest children when he was alive? I asked around and the general consensus is as follows: "Freddy Krueger kills people in the most awesome of ways." I paraphrase since I really don't have any friends that articulate, but you catch my drift. Armed with that assumption, I hunted down and watched everything I could find with Freddy in it....and kept track of how everyone died. Sure, it's no "thinking man's" list, but what "thinking man" really cares about the deeper value of Freddy movies?
What you're about to read is a review and summary of every murder Freddy Krueger has ever committed. From turning people into cockroaches to killing someone with boobs to just slashing the crap out of people, it's all here. (Or at least, I think it is. This is, again, an "Incompletely complete" guide....because after watching well over 10 hours of Freddy Krueger you're bound to miss something.) I'll be keeping a running tally of the body count, as best I can. I'll try to be objective, but I'll throw that intent out the window as soon as I think I can get away with it. It's going to get complicated, so keep you pencils ready. That said, the question stands: Are you ready for Freddy?
1984: A Nightmare on Elm Street
Ah, the original Wes Craven film....where it all began. I'm not going to be going into the plots of these films because a) I'm pretty sure you already know this and b) there's far too many other interesting things to talk about. Forget characters. It's all about the doom.
Kill #1: "Dancing on the Ceiling." The first Freddy kill is one of those memorable ones that won't be repeated until Wes Craven directs New Nightmare a decade later. Random girl (who was of course having loud pre-marital sex) starts levitating and lands on the ceiling as Freddy's signature claw marks magically all over her now-dying body. Basically we're all introduced to the concept of some crazy psycho ghost that can kill you in your sleep. It only goes uphill from there.
Kill #2: "The Noose." Freddy Krueger animates some poor bastard's bed sheet, wraps it around his neck, and strangles him with it. Not very creative, but like I said, we're just getting introduced to the whole "invisible dream killer" concept.
Does anyone out there NOT know that Nightmare on Elm Street was Johnny Depp's first film? So what happens to our future heartthrob of America with the poofy 80's hair?
Kill #3: "The Geyser of Blood." Freddy stops screwing around once the film's third act kicks in. Here, instead of taking his time or doing it with style, Mr. Krueger just sucks Johnny Depp into his mattress. Wait. Is that it? There's an awkward pause. And then....IT happens. A fountain akin to those found in Vegas materializes in Johnny's bedroom, spraying his bodily fluids all over the place. Lucky him.
Kill #4: "Whatever the hell flaming Freddy did that might have been strangulation." This needs a little back story. Now if you're like me and watch the movies in the wrong order, you'd know that the only way to really beat Freddy is to "pull him into reality" by grabbing him at the same time you wake up. This is how he ends up getting "killed" in both Freddy's Dead and Freddy vs. Jason. Nancy (the main heroine) pulls Freddy into reality after booby-trapping her house in preparation. It ends up looking like an adult version of "Home Alone," with Freddy walking into traps left and right. Of course in Home Alone, the good guy didn't set the burglars on FIRE, which is what Nancy does to Freddy. Instead of dying, Freddy just runs upstairs and pretty much wrestles with Nancy's mom....or something. We'll say she's being strangled and burned (as Freddy is still on fire). Oh, and when it's over there's a weird moment (the picture on the right), where the burned corpse of Mom is slowly absorbed into the bed. It's either symbolic or just meant to be cool. I'm not sure which it is. By the way, I brought up the whole "pulled into reality" thing to point out that bringing Freddy into the real world, at least in the first few films, ends up being a very stupid thing.
By the way, Nancy decides to "not be afraid" of Freddy and he disappears like an impotent ghost...for about ten seconds:
(Supposed) Kill #5: Everything seems alright as all the dead characters are back....as if it was all a dream. Of course we know better. The roof of the car, now patterned to match Freddy's shirt, rolls up...trapping the heroine (and her "dead" friends) in the car as it drives off. It's implied that Nancy bites it down the road, and there really isn't a happy ending.
As much as I want to count the final moment when Freddy pulls Nancy's Mom (she's alive again) through the tiny window of the door as a legtimate "kill," I can't...because Nancy's Mom is already dead. Either that or she wasn't dead already. OR Freddy brought her back to life so that he could kill her again. Man, is that hardcore.
Total Kills: 5 (if you don't count Freddy "re-killing" the cast at the end)
Maybe Kills: 10 (in case you DO).
Other moment of note: Who can forget the classic "Freddy's Glove coming out of the crotch of a naked teenager in the bathtub" moment? Not me, that's for sure.
1985: Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2: Freddy's revenge
Sweet mother of God is this a random Freddy movie. When they approached the sequel, they really didn't have a solid idea of what made Freddy cool...or what Freddy really was. All that would come to be a little further down the series...but for now it's time for a ghost story. You see, Freddy's slowly taking over the main character, a boy who has trouble with girls....well, that might not be completely accurate. It's hard to watch the second Freddy movie and NOT notice the weird homosexuality confrontation subplot going on. Don't believe me? Just take a look at this:
Our hero puts on his Elton John glasses and starts lip-synching to "Touch Me All Night Long." He's pretending to be a female singer demanding to be caressed by a man. Maybe I'm reading too much into this. There's nothing gay about this.
And of course the extended shot of him rhythmically pumping his ass against his dresser isn't gay. Nope, not at all. Anyone who says there are issues with homosexuality being addressed here is a terrible person. Then again:
Why is it that whenever he's with a girl, Freddy has to possess our hero (hence the tongue of doom)? Of course when Freddy comes out the boy gets afraid and runs away, thereby fleeing from spending time with girls. You can easily watch this film and assign Freddy the role of "heterosexual urges." I'm not crazy. You'll see.
Kill #6: "The Exploding Parrot." Keep in mind that this movie is a ghost story about Freddy's spirit haunting a young man and his home. As such it makes perfect sense that the family's pet bird attacks the cast before exploding like a Roman candle in the living room. :sigh:
Kill #7: "Freddy stabs best friend in the stomach." Freddy Krueger takes control (or pops out of, literally) our hero and has him kill his best friend. This happens after a bit of dialogue about how our main character sneaks into the bedroom of his male friend instead of spending time with girls. Seriously. Another character implies that Jesse (the main character with the sexuality dilemma) is gay. Plain as that. Then Freddy kills him. No relation. None at all, I'm sure.
I'm so tired of pretending this film isn't about homosexuality. So is the film, apparently, as Jesse wanders into a fetish leather biker bar and gets picked up by his bondage-clad gym coach who takes him to the school and makes him run laps before "hitting the showers." While Jesse (who's totally into this and butt-ass naked in the shower) is in the other room, the gym coach is preparing gym equipment with which to restrain Jesse so he can have sex with him. I'm not joking. That's not an exaggeration. Freddy ends up being the GOOD guy here as....
Kill #8: "Freddy spanks then kills naked sexual predator/gym coach." After assaulting him with tennis and dodge balls, Freddy ties up the gym coach in the shower. Before cutting him (or before Jesse possessed with the spirit of Freddy), Freddy strips him and slaps his bare ass with a rolled up towel. I'm not saying it's gay or anything but I will say that this is the SECOND time that a man's ass has taken up 98% of the screen for what feels like far too long.
Nope, not gay at all. There's a strange profound DEPTH to the heterosexual/homosexual struggle here. Of course me saying that now can't be taken seriously, after all, there's a giant shaved man ass right above these words. Since I've decided to move on, so has the film. Now's when the movie forgets about that whole hetero/homo mess and simply decides to start killing people.
"It's Party Time!"
Kill #9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15 (at least): "Freddy is so the ghost with the most," or "Boiled alive, electrocuted, trampled, stabbed, stabbed, immolated, etc." Freddy materializes at a barbecue/pool party and pretty much kills A LOT of people. Very few catch phrases, no jokes....just a psycho with a bladed glove slashing kids while infernal powers kill the slowest of the teens. To summarize, I'll let the pictures do the talking:
The swimming pool water starts to boil...
before it BURSTS INTO FLAME.
Of course while that's happening Freddy's already slashing any kid he can get his claws on.
In their panic, the teens trample one another as they try to escape Freddy's Pool Party of Death.
Of course escape isn't that easy as Freddy's hired pyrotechnic crews to ignite anyone who gets to close too close to the fence.
Oh, and trying to leave through the gate isn't much smarter either, as Freddy's ghost-like what-the-hell powers burn anyone who tries to leave.
There are more than 7 deaths here, but I'm only counting the on-screen deaths, as implied deaths are typically lame and unimportant. After this, Freddy's defeated by the power of love or some such crap....for about ten seconds.
Kill #16: "Freddy's hand pops out of girlfriend before bus drives straight to hell." You have to love the "intimidated porn star" face the girl makes as Freddy's arm bursts through her chest. So yes, we have another implied dark ending, what with Freddy driving the school bus into oblivion.
Total Kills: 11 (counting only on-screen deaths)
Grand Total: 16, 16 dead teens, ah-ah-ahhhhh.
The only other thing I have to say about this one is this: Was "Fu Man Chews" ever a real cereal? If so, that's both very awesome and lame at the same time.
1987: Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Warriors
The third Freddy movie is in many ways the first film in the official Freddy Krueger trilogy. Apparently someone realized that the Nightmare on Elm Street series could do better than homoerotic ghost stories and someone put some thought into it. The girl from the first movie is back (can I deduct points from Freddy's kill total?). The only other actor of note here is Laurence Fishburne. While most of us know him as the actor who played Morpheus in The Matrix, it's important to realize what major television personality Laurence was while this was being filmed. In case you don't know what I'm talking about, Laurence played "Cowboy Curtis" in Peewee's Playhouse. "Take the Red Pill, and I'll show you the secret word of the day, Neo." Forgive my tangent. All you really need to know is this is the FIRST film where Freddy's got the personality that we all remember. He makes bad jokes and will start coming up with some pretty damn inventive ways of killing people. So far it's been pretty boring, save the whole "exploding parakeet" crap. Let's go:
Kill #17: "Freddy is the Puppet Master." Freddy's first murderous appearance in the film is nothing short of great....if you used to watch those old TOOL music videos with the stop-motion animation. One of the teen's marionettes turns into Freddy and for a precious seconds the scariest doll on the planet is running around on-screen. Of course that's not what kills the poor victim.
Freddy pulls the tendons out of his arms and legs and uses them as strings to pull the poor guy along. Suffice to say it doesn't end well and the teen ends up jumping off a balcony.
Kill #18: "Holy Crap, Freddy slashes Zsa Zsa Gabor." I don't care if it's a weird television fantasy/nightmare thing. You get to watch Freddy call Zsa Zsa Gabor a bitch before he stabs her. Damn it, life is good.
Kill #19: "Welcome to Primetime, Bitch!"
Television grows arms. Girl becomes slightly worried.
Television grows the head of a burn victim. Girl becomes slightly more worried.
Television mutters something about "Your big break" and motions that it wants a hug.
Hug does not go as planned.
Kill #20: "Just say No." Apparently all the teens in the movie are "Dream Warriors" and all have some sort of super power in the dream world. One girl, pictured above, thinks her power is to "totally kick ass", while in reality her super power is her ability to be a hot goth/punk girl with a push-up bra. I'm only sort of joking...apparently her "dream self" comes standard with a Wunderbra. Oh and she's a Heroin junkie. That's why I made the drug reference and why there's a picture of Freddy up there looking like the world's most desperate diabetic. She ends up getting stabbed, pumped full of Freddy's fluid, and well, let's move on.
Kill #21: "Freddy Krueger and the Goblet of Fire," or "Freddy has +3 against magic." The token "nerdy" kid is this Dungeons and Dragons geek that, in the dream world, becomes a "Level 8 grand wizard" or some such crap. He casts magic spells on Freddy until Freddy just picks him up by the collar of his discount Gandalf robe and disembowels him. It actually makes me kind of happy to watch the nerdy dork bite it. Don't ask me why.
Kill #22: "Freddy's animated (very animated) bones kill John Saxon." The cast realizes that the only way to defeat Freddy is to give him a proper burial, so John Saxon (the sheriff and father from the first movie) shows up to lead them to the bones. When they dig them up, they spring to life and pretty wail on the poor heroes. Sadly, the special effect reminds you of those old "Golden Voyage of Sinbad" movies, but that doesn't stop it from throwing John Saxon into some very sharp debris.
Kill #23: "Freddy is a sneaky bastard." Let me walk you through the film's finale:
John Saxon appears in the dream world, bathed in holy light. He tells everyone that Freddy's dead forever and that he wants a hug.
I think that may be the best face I've ever seen someone make. Obviously the hug does not go as planned....
because it was Freddy pretending to be John Saxon. Huzzah. But what's this?
DISCO INFERNO! DISCO INFERNO!
Don't ask me why, but when the final hero pours holy water on Freddy's bones, Freddy starts spinning around like disco ball in heat until he explodes. The same thing happens to me when I eat radishes. True story.
Oh, and it would be a crime if I didn't mention:
For the love all that is holy, it's Dokken. The DVD for "The Dream Warriors" comes with their "hit" music for their song of the same name. God damn it, what the hell was going on in the 1980's? A frizzy hair band of some sort...I think I'm just too young to get what looks like a band made up of transgendered hippies. Apparently guys with perms were "bad ass" back in the day. Weird.
Kill #24: "Freddy hates Dokken too." Despite Freddy ripping through a wall and carrying one of the band members to the great hereafter, the crappy music doesn't stop.
And Dokken KNOWS their music's offensive because that's how they beat back Krueger: By singing at him. Oddly enough the one time I got to meet the members of Dokken they used the same tactic on me. It's pretty effective, truth be told.
There are very few times when you're going to see Freddy Krueger wake up screaming, holding a doll for comfort. I find comfort in knowing Dokken causes nightmares in everyone.
Total Kills: 8 (You have no idea how hard it is to not count the Dokken murder twice.)
1988: Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master
Welcome to the 4th Freddy movie, where we finally get a sequel that ties into the film before it. We also get a leading lady with the name of a porn star (Tuesday Knight), but that's unimportant. What is important is getting Freddy back in action. Of course, since Freddy's bones were set on holy ground and buried, how ever is he going to return? That question isn't really answered clearly, but it has something to to do with a dog. What doest the dog do to bring back Freddy Krueger?
I don't care if it is a dream sequence, that dog is PISSING FIRE to bring back Freddy Krueger. Sweet mercy he's urinating flame.
Kill #25: "Kill the black guy that lived through the last movie with knives to the stomach.." Freddy wastes no time (in fact, it was this guy's dog that "awoke" Freddy in his dream) in killing Ken Sagoes, on of the few kids to survive a Freddy movie. Ken Sagoes would later "star" in a film called "Death by Dialogue." The film's tagline to get you interested? "The kid who survived Nightmare on Elm Street Part 3 is Back!" Lame.
"Hey, what's this, there's a wickedly hot naked girl in my waterbed. Hi."
("Would you like to swim over my eggs, air guzzler?")
"Dude. She's naked and doesn't speak English. Perfect."
"It was me all along! Time for some good ol' fashioned burn victim lovin'!"
Kill #26: "Freddy loves pretending to be naked women so he can stab someone while they're sexually frustrated."
Kill #27: "Throwing the girl from the last film into a furnace so you can give her magical power to someone else." Hey, I warned you that I wasn't going to go too deep into the plot. Suffice to say a lot of stuff went down, is going down, and will be going down to this magical power to pull people into other's dreams. We find out that Freddy's using it to get new victims blah blah blah. Freddy throws the annoying girl into a fiery pit. Let's move on.
Kill #28: "Freddy sucks the life out of the nerdy girl." That pretty much sums it up, but damn, does it look sexy.
Kill #29: "Flying Glove Kata Squirrel Dropping Strike." One of the teens that I don't want to talk about considers himself a kung fu master. If he knows any is up for grabs, mainly because in his dream sequence he fights an INVISIBLE Freddy. So it's really just a scene with a white kid making "ninja noises" while he kicks the air. Freddy gets sick of it and just rocket-launches his glove into the kid's stomach. The end for the great white ninja.
Kill #30: "The Cockroach Scene." If you haven't seen this one then your life is incomplete. You haven't lived until you've seen Freddy Krueger turn a girl into a cockroach just so he can squish her. I remember this as the "make-out" scene. Perfect for dates. Sure, it's grotesque, but you have to give Freddy kudos for doing something so original. You know, instead of just stabbing someone...again.
You'd make that face too if you sprouted a dozen baby arms whenever someone waved a mirror at you. By the way, that's how Freddy's beaten in this movie. It's got something to do with a nursery rhyme, but this whole "Freddy losing" at the film's end is definitely something to get used to, since I don't think Freddy "wins" at the end of an of the movies since he did with Part 2. Speaking of getting used to things:
I don't think I'll ever get used to Robert Englund (oh hell, it's FREDDY) crossdressing.
Total Kills: 6!
1989: Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child
This is the "end" of the Elm Street trilogy, as a backstory and that weird magical power plot thing comes together. There are ghost nuns and Freddy the fetus, but, well, only three kills. They're shiny, but there's only three.
Kill #31: "Cyberpunk Horror." Freddy Krueger warns us to not "Dream and drive" because that's his chance to turn you into a cyborg. To be honest, the poor victim ends up looking pretty bitching as Freddy inject wires, armored plates, and other useful things into his body. Sadly the new half-man half-machine teen then crashes into an oncoming truck. Oh well.
Kill #32: "Are you Hungry?" Freddy force feeds the anorexic teen until she chokes. It's more stylish than that, but there's not much to say except that Freddy Krueger does not a good waiter make.
Freddy Krueger on a skateboard with knives built into it. Is it just me or does that sound like some sort of X-treme sport or something? "Now on ESPN3: Surfers with Boards covered in nails! Woo!"
Kill #33: "Super Freddy." It's Superman....only played by Freddy Krueger. This is all the result of a comic book geek thinking that he can save himself by becoming his favorite comic character: "The Midnight Prowler." Personally I'm more of a fan of the "Evenin' Peeper," but admittedly I'm a little old for that kind of thing. Oh, and when "Super Freddy" slashes the poor Stan Lee wanna-be he turns into a 2-dimensional drawing. It's not cool, but now you know, and that's half the battle.
Total Kills: 3
It takes deep understanding of Freudian analysis to truly appreciate this image of Fetus Freddy being absorbed back into the womb of his Ghost-Nun-Mother.
1991: Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare
As if just bluntly naming the film after why people should see it wasn't enough, Freddy's Dead required 3-d glasses to truly appreciate some of the scenes. Did I mention that the entire gimmick for this movie was just so you could see the end of Freddy? You'll love how he ends up getting killed. By "love" I mean that you'll start weeping whenever you think about it.
"I'll get you my pretty, and you're little SOUL too!" (Don't ask me why I love this moment. I'm lame, I know. Let's get on with the deaths and kill Freddy already.)
Kill #34: "Knives on a Chalkboard." One of the troubled kids in this movie is deaf and apparently loves talking about it. When threatened with violence, he points to his hearing aid and talks about how he's handicapped. It's kind of silly, but no weirder than that time that you wrote that long blog entry about your manic-depression/A.D.H.D./Acid Reflux. Freddy of course cashes in on the fact that he's deaf by giving him a magic hearing aid that let him hear everything very, very loudly. So it should make perfect sense when his head explodes when Freddy starts scraping his claws against a chalkboard.
Kill #35: "Now you're playing with Power." While this kill has one of the best jokes in it, I have to say that there's nothing more retarded than watching a kid trapped in a videogame. Whatever happens to him in the game happens to him as he sleepwalks in reality...so when he grabs the "magic apple" you literally see him hopping around like Mario would. Sure, it's great to see Freddy crush someone with glorious 8-bit graphics, but it leaves you empty and, well, feeling dirty. There's just nothing cool nor scary about a dorky kid bouncing around like a pogo stick in fast-forward. Still, there is one thing awesome in this scene:
Of COURSE Freddy Krueger has a Power Glove. Though I do wish that Nintendo would release more "covered with knives" editions of their products.
Kill #36. "Freddy Krueger cuts a guy's parachute so that he'll fall on a bed of nails." Freddy's assumed "FINAL" kill is as exciting as that was to read: It isn't. It's a parody of a Looney Tunes sketch, but, well, it just shouldn't have been Fredd'ys LAST KILL before they killed him.
Total Kills: 3...again. I don't know why but Freddy Krueger seems to kill less people the more movies he's in.
Did someone think that giving Roseanne Barr and Tom Arnold cameos as crazy parents would get more people in the theater?
And yes, Johnny Depp, right after Edward Scissorhands, makes a cameo just long enough for Freddy to hit him in the face with a frying pan. Good work Johnny. You really are one of the most talented people alive.
You know the above image isn't true, but what you're looking at is the last "official" image of Freddy Kruger. Oddly enough the credits for Freddy's Dead are made up of footage of EVERY KILL Freddy had ever done up until that date. So, if you're wanting to see an MTV style version of what you're reading check it out. Oh, and I didn't want to mention it, but they kill Freddy by bringing him into reality and then throwing dynamite at him. Wow, is that anti-climatic.
1994: Wes Craven's New Nightmare.
This may freak out you older horror fans, but this was the first Freddy Krueger movie I had the chance to see in theaters. My generation was about ten years too late, and, while we could buy the toys and Halloween costumes, we weren't old enough to see the movies. Back on topic: Wes Craven made a meta-film about Freddy Krueger. It's not about Freddy...but it is. You've probably seen it, but if you haven't: Freddy is an ancient evil demon of some sort that can only be trapped in a good story. When the story dies, it can escape. So the movie is all about an ancient demon harassing the actress who played Nancy in the first (and third) Nightmare on Elm Street movies.
Did I mention that Freddy Krueger is actually scary in this one? No jokes, no corny death methods....just Freddy the Demon carving people up and talking about eating children. I've got a pet theory about this Freddy...because it doesn't look, sound, or move like Robert Englund does: I'm not totally convinced that's Robert Englund. Either the man did a real good job of changing how he played the part or Wes Craven made some sort of secret deal. I WANT that to be Robert Englund in there. I just never feel it. I think that's part of why I dig the whole "meta-movie" structure. Bah. Time for Death:
Kill #37 & 38: "Animatronic Freddy prop kills special effects guys." I will admit that breaking down a film series into it's "murderous components" isn't always the best way to break down a horror series. Then again, Freddy Krueger's always been more a comedian than a monster to me. I bring this up because New Nightmare is all about suspense and drama and NOT goofy ways that Freddy kills people. Of course the two deaths that you're looking at happen in the first 3 minutes of the movie...and since there are only 4 deaths in the movie, you're halfway through my list. Bad for a slasher film, fairly good for a suspense film.
Kill #39: "Demonic Freddy arm springs from the crotch of your car seat and stabs you in the chest." God damn, I hate when that happens.
Kill #40: "Dancin' on the cieling..." Wes Craven's final kill for New Nightmare also happens to be the first on this list. The babysitter ends up getting pullled into the air by an invisible Freddy who's slashing the crap out of her while she screams and gets dragged across the ceiling.
Total Kills: 4. Considering that this film wasn't supposed to be a slasher/comedy thing, that's not so bad.
This is Freddy getting killed in New Nightmare. As he burns we find out that yes, Freddy Krueger really was Satan. It all makes sense now, doesn't it?
2003: Freddy Vs. Jason
If you're a Freddy fan, and you must be to still be reading this psycho article, then you might want to skip this one. The movie has both Freddy and Jason in it....and, well, Freddy doesn't do so well. I've seen arguments on both sides, but in the context of a list counting the sheer number of bizarre murders, it's not a fair competition. Let me explain why:
Sort of Freddy's Kill, only not #1: "Jason does my bidding." Jason Vorhees shows up on Elm Street because Freddy convinced him to kill someone in bed to remind the town that Freddy's still out there (and so that Freddy can return to his old ways).
Kill #41: "Freddy cuts you up and burns you down." A good way into the movie, Freddy Krueger finally gets someone. Of course, Freddy's nothing without his amazing sense of humor. He burns the following on the kid's back:
See? It's his back and it's also using the word back! It's hella clever because not only does this tell us that Freddy's returned, but also that this particular back belongs to Freddy. Comedic GOLD, I tell you!
Sort of Freddy's Kill, only not #2: "I killed your mom in a flashback that everyone had already figured out." I have a lot of trouble counting flashbacks as kills because you already know the outcome. Even if you didn't see the twist/surprise here, it's not really a kill when compared to other acts of Freddy-related doom. Also be aware: This is the FIRST Flashback murder in the Nightmare on Elm Street series, even if the murder doesn't really happen on-screen.
You'd think that any scene where Freddy Krueger sneaks up on a pot-smoking hippy kid disguised as a pot-smoking worm means that clever homicidal doom is on it's way. Sadly, Freddy just possessed the kid so that he can put Jason to sleep and try to kill him in the dream world.
Of course, after drugging Jason, that's when Mr. Voorhees cuts the kid Freddy's possessing into two nice bleeding pieces. I can't count this as either side's kill...Freddy might have planned it this way (despite his OH CRAP face when he gets cut in half). It's too weird, so no one gets the point.
Freddy's Total: ONE. We wait forever to see the movie, and, while I admit this is more about Jason fighting Freddy and vice versa, I sort of expected to see more collateral damage on Freddy's part. Sadly, this brings us up to something else:
Jason's total: 18. While I will admit that Jason's killing style isn't as....stylish as Freddy's usually is, I'd have to say that Freddy is definitely the least of the teen's troubles comparatively speaking. I don't want to say that this movie revitalized my love for the Friday the 13th series in the middle of an article about Freddy Krueger, but that doesn't make it any less true. Let me expound for a moment:
Jason kills teenagers while on fire. Not one or two but a half dozen while he is on freaking fire. Jason is THE Buddhist of the Apocalypse.
Yes. You are indeed looking at Freddy biting his knuckles like a scared little girl. Apparently having to fight Jason in the real world makes him submissively urinate himself. Man. (I would crap my pants too, but still.)
To make myself feel better, let me just point out that the "demonic" Freddy that we get to see in the dream world when he's angry is pretty damn cool. It doesn't earn him more than one kill, but still...what are you going to do?
That's it for official movies....but wait, could there be more?
1988: "Freddy's Nightmares"
I don't know what to say about the Nightmare on Elm Street television show. Robert Englund was in the cast...only he wasn't. I couldn't get my hands on the entire series, so at this time I'm excluding any of Freddy's kills from the count right now. Since I can't give you the full play by play, here are some highlights and odd thoughts:
There comes a time while watching this show if you wonder if Robert Englund ever even showed up to work on it. The show's direction seems to revolve around NOT showing Freddy's face which really makes you wonder if they just got Robert to record his lines and then got a body double in a cheap mask to actually show up to work. The only time you DO know it's Robert playing Mr. Krueger is between commercial breaks when Freddy is in the dream world rambling on about his evil evil ways.
Freddy does end up killing folks in new and interesting ways. One of my particular favorites is the "Freddy the Dentist" scene. Gah.
Of course Freddy doesn't always just kill people. He also works his evil by making attractive women marry unattractive morons. I wish I was joking, but at the end of this particular episode Freddy starts gloating about how evil he is by playing matchmaking. What. The. Hell?
Freddy Krueger's child molestation past isn't talked about much in the series, but in the season premiere of Freddy's Nightmares, you get to see Freddy climb into his ice cream truck and talk about the good times they had with little kids.
While I can't count the deaths the Nintendo game or the 2004 "Freddy vs. Ghostbusters" movie, I still wanted to mention both just for the sake of covering all media. I have no idea how Freddy kills you in the Nintendo game because I can't find him. To put it simply: Bats keep pushing me into a bottomless pit and I can't hit the punch button fast enough. As for Freddy Vs. The Ghostbusters: Yes, it's real, though not "official". That means it's somewhere between a fan-made film and a student film. Take that to mean whatever you want. Freddy does turn a guy into a bong and kill that Jared guy from Subway, if you were curious.. I'll put some pictures up soon but it's about time for me to stop typing about Freddy Krueger.
Wow. I was going to write a long wrap-up paragraph but I really, really want to stop writing about Freddy Krueger. I don't even really like Freddy. Sure, New Nightmare was a good film but I never really got into them. So, stupid me, for the sake of experimentation/research/domestic adventure/Halloween fun, I've totally ruined myself for Freddy Krueger. Too much of anything is enough to drive you mad. That said, enjoy your Halloween. I know I will.
Grand Total: 42 Kills. (Give or take how wrong I am)
I swear to God, I may start having Freddy nightmares where I have to watch more of his movies. Even worse, a friend of mind suggested I do the same thing for Jason of the Friday the 13th series. If I decide to do that, I promise to leave my will in an easy to find location. That said, Good night.
"who feels he many never sleep again"
COPYRIGHT 2005 jared hindman, except for all images used for review or reference purposes. Please don't sue me. Realy. I'll give you candy....