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Well, in place of the usual movie craptacular review
(I'm working on something big), I figured I'd take a moment to share some
of the strangeness that is Berlin, Germany. Yeah...places that are
different are always weird. I've been here for a year and some
things just keep striking me as weird. From the Christmas season to
weird-ass advertisements, Berlin is "wonderful." Where the hell
should I start?
First off: I
noticed something strange while waiting for a train. Berlin REALLY
hates pigeons. Take a look at the clock. Notice anything
unusual? Take a closer look. Razor blades. Oh? You say its just the clock? Berlin puts razor blades over EVERYTHING. From train girders to signs to billboards to EVERYTHING Berlin really, really is out to get those pesky pooping birds. I suppose it works...There aren't that many pigeon piles anywhere near the train station. But still...RAZOR BLADES? My personal favorite
discovery is without a doubt the discovery of the most disgusting Basically a glorified
microwave in the shape of a vending machine, the "Fresh & Hot" Meica
machine is something out of a bad dream. Offering a selection of hot
and cold wieners (and nothing but) the machine even includes an animated
display screen...illustrating the cooking of your hot dog. I only
wish I k Another highlight
would have to be the advertisements I've seen here in Berlin.
Billboards are illegal, but its still ok to post on the sides of
buildings. Sure, I don't know what the hell half of them are
advertising, but you can't argue that they sure are weird. Water-volleyball or something has some really odd posters all over this town.
Another thing you spot wandering about Berlin are the Smart cars...those little tiny two-seater fuel-efficient numbers that you can rent for 5 euros a day. Five euros translates to about 7 dollars. 7 DOLLARS FOR A CAR! The penalty? You drive a moving billboard. My favorite is the Debitel ad to the right, designed like those crappy "have your picture taken here" things you always see at low-end amusement parks. In other words: Drive this car to look like a woman in a bikini to the rest of the world. Genius. Pure genius. Of course some of the graffiti and art all over Berlin is at least worth a passing glance as well:
All children love the headless Big Bird and his Giant Bees...
Rock on, Vegans. Rock on.
It's all about cute clerks with vampire teeth. What the hell?
For a new tangent: Here's Hitler's bunker.
Yep. Its a playground now. The German government doesn't want ANYONE to go back, to worship or protest, to the site of Hitler's bunker. What's really weird is how there is an attitude of both denial and great advertisement of what happened here in World War II. Public reference to Nazis or just the swastika are strictly illegal. However, all German children are required to visit the death camps on an 8th grade field trip. Spooky, right? There's a fine line between ignoring the past and injecting BURNING FLAMING GUILT into the current generation of German kids. Back to Hitler's resting place. They paved over the site of Hitler's bunker, creating an apartment complex and a playground. The Berlin tour guides still go there to explain the whole bit of history to tourists. I keep expecting Hitler the zombie to either rise out of the ground, or hell...can you imagine a kid playing in the sand pit and digging up something? Hitler's Sandbox. Would make a killer band name.
Well, that's
about all I'm going to shar Before I go, I want to share one of the most constant things I've been doing in Berlin (besides watching bad movies), which has been looking for work. From a short pseudo-stint digitally editing pornography and trying to teach children English, its been an interesting struggle. I've broken through the out of work depression and gone clear through to the other side: Pure, Blissful, Unemployed Joy. Read below to see my latest adventure in looking for work. What follows is a flyer I've been posting all over Berlin for the past few months. Enjoy my flyer: |
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Lost in Berlin One Stupid 24-year old American Male is trapped without work in Berlin! Experimental film-maker, video editor, English Teacher, cartoonist, comedian, and phone telemarketer/entertainer will do anything for money! Only YOU can stop me from singing on the S-bahn! The power of (your Deity of Choice) compels you to employ me! Nostradamus himself prophesized my salvation at the hands of strangers in this fair German city! Be a part of the Legend! Feed an American Today! Email me at TheEmeraldGlasses@hotmail.com
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vending machine ever
made: The Hot Dog Vending machine. 
new
more German to understand what
the hell my hot dog was saying as I roasted it alive.
Another odd facet to this device? It's the only one around it.
Not surrounded by other "normal" vending machines, this one's been
ostracized into isolation. And you wouldn't believe how nasty the
hot dogs are. I had to try one, just because. I don't even
want to know what Europeans put in their hotdogs when raccoon tails, pig
snouts, and chicken feet are just too damn expensive. Generic Hot
Dog Machine, I love you.
Oh
and during X-mas time, you can see Santa and his mini-Santa death squad
breaking into a young boy's home. Is it just me or is this just pure
nightmare fuel? Since there aren't chimneys anywhere, St. Nick has
to jimmy open your locks come Christmas Eve. On a side note, Germany
has the highest population of Atheist in the world. This statistic
is a bit misleading due to tax reasons. When the government asks
what your religion is, saying "I'm an Atheist" is the only answer that
won't get you charged a decent amount of money. For the love of
God....the country charges you an additional tax depending on what
religion you belong to! Its kind of a neat idea...I'm sure it would
go over just splendidly in America. I mean how many people are
really religious enough to hand over their money to the government for it?
:)
e
for
now,
but if you look to your right,
you'll notice a real life set from a classic Donkey Kong video
game. I saw it in downtown Berlin and it made me want to
rent a Gorilla suit and start throwing barrels down
on any Italians passing by. Of course there are a LOT of things that
make me want to put on a Gorilla suit these days. I'm geeky and
wanted to share.