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Women talk about Teeth!
Enjoy the thoughts of Jared's female readers as they ponder the implications of a biting vaginanomenon. Please forgive Jared for the lack of pictures. As usual, this page is rated 15, which means if you can't see "15" movies in theaters (Think "soft R" if you're a colonial) you maybe shouldn't be seeing this without a parent. Just saying. Also, the views expressed below totally aren't mine i.e. "insert corporate don't sue me text here".
Reader #1: Educational Links
There is a link from the Teeth website to the main
character's MySpace page, in which she has a few in
character confessionals. (View My: Videos)
This movie has an AWESOME website, because it uses a
rose/thorn packaging motif, and uses the clever line
"ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK"-- which I see plastered
online-- but takes on a totally new meaning. The rose
petal with thorns might give an inkling of what is
going on inside. They also briefly discuss vagina
You ladies want Vagina Dentata?
NOW YOU CAN!
The anti-rape female condom.
(Jared interjects: The above link doesn't work, but research tells me you're probably talking about:
http://www.antirape.co.za/intro.htm. It's amazing. And terrifying. And REAL. REEEEAL!)
I'm surprised you didn't mention the nuclear power
stacks right behind her home that likely was the cause
for her mutation. They feature pretty prominently in
many scenes (and even though they vent totally
non-radioactive steam, they're still a symbol of weird
mutant-ness-- as well as being both simultaneously a
projecting phallic and feminine crucible symbol).
Reader #2: Check out my Blog, Yo!
Reader #3: Librarians Love Teeth
First I wanted to just say that I really love your site. My husband and I really get a kick out of everything on here, and there are days you're really what gets me through work. I'm a children's librarian, you have no idea the horror.
So, I had to write and let you know that I've seen Teeth. Not to go into a huge play by play on the movie, but I found it crap. This is what I learned from Teeth:
(1) Women are helpless, unless they can grow teeth in their nethers.
(2) All men are rapists waiting to happen.
(3) Sex is ucky.
My personal experiance is: All the above is total shit, so I found the film pretty damn offensive. And this is coming from a woman who loves Kevin Smith movies, so you know...my tollerence level is pretty high.
Anyhow, you do a great job! Keep it up!
Reader #4: I suspect was not actually a girl. I'm not sure why.
Is it fair to ask if the
chick in "Teeth" has teeth in her ass also?
Reader #5: Actual Writer Writes in:
Hi Jared, I loved your review of Teeth. The movie encouraged me to write an article about vagina dentata. Here it is:
Casual Sex: The Myths and Realities of Desire
There have been many cautionary tales and urban legends about casual sex with strangers. One of the most well-known stories is the one where a man picks up an attractive woman at a bar, they have a few drinks and then they get a hotel room. After entering the hotel room, everything is a daze and he wakes up in a bathtub full of ice with an organ missing. There are many similar tales about casual encounters that result in organs being harvested for the black market; however, those are not the only sexual horror stories out there.
One of the most uncommon folklores of causal sex is vagina dentata, which is Latin for vagina teeth. A deterrent myth about a woman with teeth in her vagina has taken on many versions in various cultures. A version from India tells a story about a beautiful girl described as “fierce and angry” who had many lovers and whenever they would have sex, the man’s penis would be cut into three pieces because her vagina contained three teeth. A man agreed to marry her if only his servants could have sex with her first and she agreed. In doing this, the first servant lost his penis; the second one tricked her by telling her he could not bear to look at her during intercourse and had her cover her face. Once this was done, she was held down and the teeth were removed by force. Another tale from Native Americans involves a fish living inside a woman’s vagina and a hero who breaks the teeth out of her vagina.
All the tales from each culture are very similar and include a beautiful woman whose vagina castrates her lovers and in return, one man, a hero breaks or pulls out the teeth using immense force. Once this is done, the woman often marries her conqueror who frees her of her sexual disability. The sexism and violence in these tales run deep, using strong words for the removal of the teeth that threaten manhood. In none of the stories does the woman ask to have the teeth removed from her vagina; instead, they are removed without consent. In some cultures, these myths lead to reality, from the castrating female to the castrated female. In some parts of Africa where genital mutilation is a part of life, the Nandi tribes would perform female circumcision with the fear that the clitoris may be a tooth.
The Middle East tells a tale of a succubus known as Um Al Duwayce who would do more than lure men into sex with her beautiful appearance and scent. This particular succubus sought out adulterers to exact revenge on, when she would lure her victims into intercourse, she would disfigure the penis or even castrate the man with the razors contained within her vagina. Unlike the tales of vagina dentata, there is no hero who rescues this succubus from her sexual deformity; in this case, Um Al Duwayce acts as an anti-hero, dishing out punishment on those who have broken their vows.
Um Al Duwayce was not a typical succubus; in most tales, a succubus is a demon that takes the appearance of beautiful women filled with lust and desire to attract their prey— a sleeping male. Her intention is not to seek revenge on man, but to steal his seed and draw energy from him which she needs to survive usually leaving the victim for dead. Much like vagina dentata, these tales represent women as beautiful creatures but in a negative light. They suck the life from men, stealing their sperm and in some cases bringing it back to an incubus who then uses it to impregnate sleeping women. Stories of succubi were often used to explain wet dreams and another cautionary tale of sex with strange women.
There are many similar tales that feature beautiful but deadly women such as sirens, harpies and many other mythical creatures who seduce men with their beauty, song and scent and then leave them for dead. The stories of la belle dame sans mercy and various femme fatales present women in a negative light in an attempt to scare people away from casual sex. With the rising acceptance of promiscuity and being long past a time where sexual freedom was just a revolution without thought of bodily harm, teaching abstinence only and sexual horror stories will not prevent people from having sex if that is what they want to do.
Teaching both abstinence and safer sex as two options of sexual practices as opposed to fearing castration from teeth in a woman’s vagina or having the life sucked from you can create a healthier sexual environment. Casual sex is not as dangerous as the myths play it out to be but as time goes on the cautionary tales become less frightening than the reality of contracting a sexually transmitted infection. HIV/AIDS started as a tale of a disease called GRID (gay-related immunodeficiency disease) in which only gay men were found to contract the disease and spread it among the population. The myth of GRID being a homosexual disease was debunked and found that HIV/AIDS is passed among anyone of any sexuality if they participate in high-risk behaviors such as casual sex without condoms. Taking proper precautions in any sexual activity keeps you from harm and can enable you to continue with all your intimate endeavors.
With the marrying age being pushed back further as more and more decide to hold off on settling down so they can continue their education and focus on a career, there has been a turnover in what is acceptable sexual behavior. No expectations, no emotions and no attachments can leave a person free to continue their lifestyle with any disruptions. With casual hookups, the basic need for sex and human contact is met, yet a person’s daily life is not thrown out of the loop by a newcomer and a relationship. We live in a world where people with hectic schedules looking for love or sex can search for it at their desk by browsing dating sites like Match.com and eHarmony. However, if you are looking for a casual hookup without having to go to a bar, there are sites like Adult Friend Finder and Plenty of Fish where you can weed out your likes and dislikes and screen a person before you have an intimate encounter. Using these sites can enable a person to get a little back information from someone and not necessarily have to wonder if you will wake up with your wallet stolen, kidney missing and/or a STI.
There is no absolute way to ensure safe casual sex. In a hookup, most people do not interrogate their sex partner about their sexual history, status and in some cases their names. The best way is to protect yourself if you are going to go off and have sex with a stranger, take precautions such as text messaging a friend and letting them know where you are going and in the bedroom always make sure protection is used. In the end, even if it was emotionless sex, it was sex and most people are just happy to get laid.
Reader #6: I did not know Vajayjay was spelled that way.
Reader #7: Gentle Thoughts
Hello, greetings, I am
answering your request for female opinion in regards to 'Teeth.'
Unfortunately, I have seen this film. From the trailer which I saw from a
website, or on TV, I can't remember, for whatever reason I said to myself
"Yes, yes, I want to see that." So I checked it out, viewing it in its
entirety. And I was sad.
Reader #8: "Difficult to Digest" :shudder:
I just read you're article about
Teeth (a movie I doubt you would have forgotten) and said you wanted a
fairly short summary of a woman's reaction to this movie.
Reader #9: Say my name! Say it!
Well hello Mr. Jared. May I say that I hope
you have a girlfriend because you deserve to have a source of steady
sexings. My name is Aislyn (A - ZUH - LYN kthxplz) and I just read your
review of "Teeth". You know, with the evil vagina? Yes, well, I thought it
was interesting and I was wondering if you may be able to help me get
ahold of a copy so i may..er.. let you know what I think? Well yes, that I
suppose. I may even congregate some of my more... err... open lady friends
and surprise them...eheh.
Reader #10: 3 Words.
You asked for the female perspective on the film "Teeth", and I'm providing it for you.
What. The. Shit.
That was just...truly bizarre. I read your review before I watched it and after I watched it, and I came to a similar conclusion that you did. However, I do not see this movie as much as an "I am WOMAN hear me ROAR!" but more of a "Cast off the chains of organized religion and all it entails!" film.
So in the beginning of the film, Dawn is incredibly wrapped up in her (almost cultish) youth group, who has an incredibly fixation on purity. Then, when she loses her purity, or rather it is taken from her, she completely recoils against everything the group stood for, including marriage; something she was incredibly attracted to before the incident. But still, we don't really see her completely ditching her faith until after she has the enjoyable sex with the second kid. The first time she has sex with the second boy, she's still spouting off information about purity and her sacred vow and so on and so forth, but after she has sex, and therefore becomes more knowledgeable about sexuality, it's as if the purity issue is nonexistent. She doesn't really mourn over her purity. It's almost as if it isn't important any longer. Instead, she now sees sex as a tool by which she can seek revenge.
So I would say the overall message that this film is trying to convey is that religion, and all the sexuality constraining laws that it includes, and sexuality cannot coincide.
Now see, your feminism argument also fits into my "religion + sexuality = not happening" argument as well, because a lot of people (rather falsely, in my opinion) assume that religion demands the degradation of women. Not necessarily to the point of "eat dirt, bitch, you're my sex slave" but definitely in a "you're the wife. Cook and raise the children that's what you do" kind of mentality. When Dawn starts using sex and her monster vajayjay for revenge, she completely disregards her faith as well as the subservient woman stereotype, and instead adopts power in her sexuality.
So there, that's my commentary on the movie.
Oh, also, I almost threw up when they showed the second boy's penis missing. It was definitely WAY more graphic than the first kids penis being chopped off (eaten? mutilated? destroyed?) by the monster vagina.
Anyway, hope you enjoyed my perspective.
Reader #11: 16-year-old girl talks about Teeth
I'm going to attack
what put me off most, and that is the fact that every male portrayed in
this movie is a sleazy, horrible, molesting, juvenile loser who wants a
piece of Dawn's ass. I know this is a film, but that's simply unrealistic!
The gynecologist is the worst, since they are trained to be gentle and
to not take advantage of their patients. I doubt someone like him
would even be able to practice medicine upon his interview; he's just.
That. Creepy. I just think it a went a little too far in having all the
guys grab for her ass every other minute, and then Bill's father--the only
man who's decent in the entire story--is a pussy!
Reader #12: Vagina = Taboo
Just because you asked
Reader #13: Watch Teeth with all your guy friends. I dare you.
Well somehow I happened
across your website and..wow...it is very ...different. I really like your
comics and the art work is just awesome.really. You definatly have your
own style going on there.
Reader #14: It's fair to laugh, right?
I'm not sure how old
your article on Teeth was, (I came across it via the Firefox add-on
StumbleUpon) but I must say, it was entertaining. Sure, I've seen the IMDB
reviews and seen small paragraphs dedicated to how repulsed normal viewers
were, but an entire article devoted to the feminist (maybe?) imagery was
something I hadn't come across yet.
Reader #15: Haven't seen it, but I say something Smart.
This movie does sound...interesting, but I'm not as much of a film masochist as
you. So while I haven't watched it, there is something I want to point out.
Sexually, this movie is the opposite of every other horror film ever made. In
most films, we see gratuitious female nudity, not to mention rape/attempted rape
scenes. Check out "top ten" most disturbing films, and most of them include a
woman being raped. All of the cringing you do while watching this film is a
mirror of what women do while watching most horror films.
That's all I'm going to say, but its something to consider.
Reader #16: Oh my.
So I read the review of Teeth on your site,
and linked to it at a forum I frequent. In vengeance, they talked me into
reviewing this nightmare of a film.
Reader #17: Atypical woman still has vagina, so she counts.
I stumbled onto your
site because of your utterly hilarious D&D monster article. So I would
recommend that you take my opinions with a grain of salt, since as an
enormous nerd, I am far from your typical woman. Still, I do have a
vagina, so I feel this does give me a slightly different perspective on
....and there you go. Thanks for sharing, girls.
Copyright 2009 Jared von Hindman or maybe just Jared Hindman. It depends. Any images used that are not Jared's are used via Fair Use review purposes and belong to their respective owners....who are nice people that don't want to sue me.
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