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    Dangerous Delves Doodles

a.ka.

Jared's a Big Dice-rolling Dork

(who plays with toys)

 

Oh lord, what ever have I become?  I remember a time when I could sit back and laugh at those who spent their weekends rolling dice crafted in geometric shapes they couldn't pronounce.  But now?  Now that very act of mockery has cascaded in a short time to dark indoctrination into the dank basement that is Dungeons and Dragons.  And while you don't need a basement to play, you can't really say you've had the full experience until you've fought plastic orcs in one. So what the heck am I talking about?

Here's a crash course in how I got here.  A couple years back, I wrote an article making fun of Dungeons and Dragons monsters (Click) and that...that got the attention of a fair amount of people.  If you read my review of 4th edition (Click) or have read about my own game Miniature Mayhem, then you already know about my shameful habit of playing with plastic elves.  They're not all elves, but dismissing the hobby as lame makes it less embarrassing that I have a couple thousand plastic D&D monsters in my living room.  Oh screw it.  I love it.  I'm a dork.  And that fun little fact is why I'm posting this little painting marathon.

"Dangerous Delves" is an expansion set for Dungeons and Dragons miniatures and, well, it came out today here in Berlin.  In celebration (or obsession, these things like to double date) I sat down and did a painting of each miniature in the set.  So it's geeky art that no everyone will get but hey, if you're into slaying dragons you should be able to get the jokes. 

Pictures of minis are the property of Wizards of the Coast and are only shared here for comparison purposes.  You know because it'll make some of these make sense to those who don't know what an Aboleth is.

Enjoy yourself and just be happy I'm back to painting in bulk again.  There's been a dark cloud floating on top of my creative output and it may just have lifted.  Emo painter drama aside, check out my tribute to collectible monstrosities.

 

Aboleth Slime Mage

 

Arbalester (fancy word for "Big Ass Crossbow")

Aspect of Vecna

This picture STILL confuses me, so I went with a Vecna joke instead of paying tribute to the mini..  My apologies if you don't know who Vecna is. 

 

Banshrae Warrior

 

Beholder Eye Tyrant

(Fun Fact:  The Eyes are painted with Glow in the Dark Paint.)

 

Berbalang

 

Bladerager Troll

Because Rotoscoping Freddy is fun.

 

Blood Scarab

 

Bloodseeker Drake

 

Bonechill Chimera

Knowing my luck, I'd get eaten by the goat head.  It's....more insulting that way somehow.

 

Chain Devil

God Damn, Chain Devils are a bitch to draw.

 

Clay Golem

Scooby Doo, where are you?

 

Cyclops Crusher

...as opposed to Cyclops Cuddler.

 

Feygrove Choker

If this were a comic, in the next panel he'd be flinging those two at you...because that's what I'd do if I was a choker.

 

Foulspawn Grue

 

Frost Giant

 

Ghaele of Winter

 

Githyanki Warrior

Githzerai Zerth

Don't worry.  Neither of those words mean much to me either.

Gnoll Hunt Master

 

Goblin Delver

 

Goblin Sharpshooter

You'd get it if you played the Skirmish Game.

(And understood my desire to NOT draw another Goblin with a crossbow.)

 

Grimlock Minion

 

Harpy

It's all about the dress.

 

Hellstinger Scorpion

 

Hippogriff

Sue me, I'm funny.

 

Kobold Wyrmpriest

 

Kruthik Young

 

Medusa Archer

Beyond the Ray Harryhausen reference, I still don't know why every Medusa was an Archer.  Using arrows against petrified people seems....counter-productive.

 

Minotaur Shaman

 

Orc Eye of Gruumsh

Anyone up for a game of Orcopoly?

 

Orc Terrorblade

 

Rust Monster

So very, very true.

 

Skalmad Troll King

 

Snake Swarm

There's no sexual metaphor here at all.  Move along.

 

Unicorn

Gah.  Dear God, why would I want a Unicorn miniature?

Oh.  Right.  Thanks for clearing that up.

 

War Devil

Please note that War Devils actually do have the most adorable underbite ever. 

 

Xen'drik Drow Stingblade

 

Young Gold Dragon

My scanner hates metallic paints, so the fact that the dragon shines brightly gold doesn't really come through here.  Hopefully the Draco-philes out there will get the joke here.

Yuan-ti Fangblade

Since I have a pet snake, things like this occur to me every time we encounter Yuan-ti. 

 

And yes, these are for sale if you want them, just like anything on the site.  I'm still shocked people seem to like these so much but hey, I won't stop you from giving me money. You know, because I care. And you guys rock.

Until next time...um.....yeah.  I'm going to go act like I didn't spend my whole weekend painting plastic monsters.  You know, because that'd be geeky.

-Jared

"known as OhGodtheRats on most of the Geek Forums"

 

TAKE ME HOME!

 

 

Copyright 2008 Jared von Hindman or maybe just Jared Hindman.  It depends.  Any images used that are not Jared's are used via Fair Use review purposes and belong to their respective owners....who are nice people that don't want to sue me.

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