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a.ka. Jared's a Big Dice-rolling Dork (who plays with toys)
Oh lord, what ever have
I become? I remember a time when I could sit back and laugh at those
who spent their weekends rolling dice crafted in geometric shapes they
couldn't pronounce. But now? Now that very act of mockery has
cascaded in a short time to dark indoctrination into the dank basement
that is Dungeons and Dragons. And while you don't need a basement to
play, you can't really say you've had the full experience until you've
fought plastic orcs in one.
Here's a crash course in how I got here. A couple years back, I wrote an article making fun of Dungeons and Dragons monsters (Click) and that...that got the attention of a fair amount of people. If you read my review of 4th edition (Click) or have read about my own game Miniature Mayhem, then you already know about my shameful habit of playing with plastic elves. They're not all elves, but dismissing the hobby as lame makes it less embarrassing that I have a couple thousand plastic D&D monsters in my living room. Oh screw it. I love it. I'm a dork. And that fun little fact is why I'm posting this little painting marathon. "Dangerous Delves" is an expansion set for Dungeons and Dragons miniatures and, well, it came out today here in Berlin. In celebration (or obsession, these things like to double date) I sat down and did a painting of each miniature in the set. So it's geeky art that no everyone will get but hey, if you're into slaying dragons you should be able to get the jokes. Pictures of minis are the property of Wizards of the Coast and are only shared here for comparison purposes. You know because it'll make some of these make sense to those who don't know what an Aboleth is. Enjoy yourself and just be happy I'm back to painting in bulk again. There's been a dark cloud floating on top of my creative output and it may just have lifted. Emo painter drama aside, check out my tribute to collectible monstrosities.
Aboleth Slime Mage
Arbalester (fancy word for "Big Ass Crossbow")
Aspect of Vecna
This picture STILL confuses me, so I went with a Vecna joke instead of paying tribute to the mini.. My apologies if you don't know who Vecna is.
Banshrae Warrior
Beholder Eye Tyrant
(Fun Fact: The Eyes are painted with Glow in the Dark Paint.)
Berbalang
Bladerager Troll
Because Rotoscoping Freddy is fun.
Blood Scarab
Bloodseeker Drake
Bonechill Chimera
Knowing my luck, I'd get eaten by the goat head. It's....more insulting that way somehow.
Chain Devil
God Damn, Chain Devils are a bitch to draw.
Clay Golem
Scooby Doo, where are you?
Cyclops Crusher
...as opposed to Cyclops Cuddler.
Feygrove Choker
If this were a comic, in the next panel he'd be flinging those two at you...because that's what I'd do if I was a choker.
Foulspawn Grue
Frost Giant
Ghaele of Winter
Githyanki Warrior
Githzerai Zerth
Don't worry. Neither of those words mean much to me either.
Gnoll Hunt Master
Goblin Delver
Goblin Sharpshooter
You'd get it if you played the Skirmish Game. (And understood my desire to NOT draw another Goblin with a crossbow.)
Grimlock Minion
Harpy
It's all about the dress.
Hellstinger Scorpion
Hippogriff
Sue me, I'm funny.
Kobold Wyrmpriest
Kruthik Young
Medusa Archer
Beyond the Ray Harryhausen reference, I still don't know why every Medusa was an Archer. Using arrows against petrified people seems....counter-productive.
Minotaur Shaman
Orc Eye of Gruumsh
Anyone up for a game of Orcopoly?
Orc Terrorblade
Rust Monster
So very, very true.
Skalmad Troll King
Snake Swarm
There's no sexual metaphor here at all. Move along.
Unicorn
Gah. Dear God, why would I want a Unicorn miniature?
Oh. Right. Thanks for clearing that up.
War Devil
Please note that War Devils actually do have the most adorable underbite ever.
Xen'drik Drow Stingblade
Young Gold Dragon
My scanner hates metallic paints, so the fact that the dragon shines brightly gold doesn't really come through here. Hopefully the Draco-philes out there will get the joke here. Yuan-ti Fangblade
Since I have a pet snake, things like this occur to me every time we encounter Yuan-ti.
And yes, these are for sale if you want them, just like anything on the site. I'm still shocked people seem to like these so much but hey, I won't stop you from giving me money. You know, because I care. And you guys rock. Until next time...um.....yeah. I'm going to go act like I didn't spend my whole weekend painting plastic monsters. You know, because that'd be geeky. -Jared "known as OhGodtheRats on most of the Geek Forums"
Copyright 2008 Jared von Hindman or maybe just Jared Hindman. It depends. Any images used that are not Jared's are used via Fair Use review purposes and belong to their respective owners....who are nice people that don't want to sue me. |
Dangerous Delves Doodles
So what the
heck am I talking about? 
