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If you've been following my site for a while now, you should know this past Halloween almost killed both me and it.  It was eerie.

 

 

October 31st:  Lots!

Four in one stroke!

 

  Your final monsters:  The Jabberwocky, Big Bunny (one of the best old school flash series), and Elvira, cleavage of the Night.

 

PS:  You have 24 hours to send in your last-minute Halloween Costume pictures.  I got A LOT of them and I'll be posting them up over the next week.  Sorry about the delay but I got a LOT of them.  Did I mention I got a lot?  Of them? 

October 30th:  That Stupid Clown from Poltergeist

  Terrible painting, but god damn that thing was the scariest part of the movie.

October 29th:  Ettercap

  Every year I throw in one goofy monster from Dungeons & Dragons.  This year it's the Ettercap...the kind of rad manspider lifted straight from Tolkien's The Hobbit.  You know, like most things in D&D.  By the by, that "30 years of Stupid Monsters" article I wrote inspired my friends to force me to play the damn game.  Considering how I only played like once when I was twelve, this is an amazing feat.  Oh, and yes I am ashamed. 

 

October 28th:  Double Stuffed Sunday (not a Porn Title)

  While the Blob is a horror classic, I'm not sure I can even pretend the killer Pinata from "Pinata Survival Island" is one as well.  As such (and because I hate how the painting turned out) it's your bonus piece today.

 

October 27th:  It's Alive!

  Important Message to anyone who has a friend who's pregnant.  Do not show them the film "It's Alive" or its 2 sequels.  Because killer baby films that feature infants committing patricide is, well, unsavory.  To expecting mother, at the very least.

 

By the by, expect all those costume pictures you sent me to start showing up very, very soon.  I got a lot of great one's this year.  Also, if you're going to a costume party (or 3 like I am) this weekend, shoot a picture my way and you'll be seeing your Halloween splendor just in time to go Trick or Treating. 

 

October 26th:  Trogdor!

  If you don't know what all the Burnination is all about, shame on you.  Visit Homestarrunner.com you internet-culture deprived bastard.

 

October 25th:  Motel Hell

  Never question a farmer who wears a dead pig head as a mask.  Especially if he has a chainsaw.

 

October 24th:  C.H.U.D.

  The movie C.H.U.D. I'm pretty sure stands for "Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers"....so it's a movie about killer sewer mutants.  It was pretty damn scary.  Was is the key word here, as I haven't seen it in the longest time.  Hell, I think I was wearing a Hypercolor t-shirt the last time the Chud attacked.  Now the sequel, "Bud the Chud"...that I've seen many, many times.  Because it's awful.  A desperate attempt to cash in on the "C.H.U.D." franchise (don't hate me, it's true), the creators of this one wanted to make sure they included everyone in their audience.  So it's a zombie comedy film that has pretty much nothing to do with the first movie.  On the plus side, it does have poodle eating.  And thus you understand why I've seen it as many times as I have.

 

October 23rd:  Frankenberry

  Man, we really need more cereal-based monsters around.  That said, I'm still surprised no one's made a horror film spooking the holy Trinity of Halloween Cereals. 

 

October 22nd:  Invasion of the Saucer Men

  You probably haven't seen it, but trust me when I say there's a great old Science Fiction movie involving big-brained aliens who's claws get you very, very drunk. 

 

October 21st:  They Live

  If you haven't seen "They Live", rent it now.  It's an old John Carpenter sci-fi flick where aliens have taken over the world.  We don't know this of course, because they're using our media to obscure the truth.  All the billboards read the same thing and monsters can be seen if you put on special anti-alien sunglasses.  Better than you think.  Really. Originator of the great line:  "I have come to kick ass and chew bubble gum...and I'm all out of bubble gum."  Not to mention an ending where one of the monsters wonders why he isn't getting a blowjob.  Seriously.

 

October 20th:  The Thing

  Thank you John Carpenter for showing us that a remake of a classic horror film can end up being 1000 times greater than the original.  This more than makes up for that crappy Ghost Pirates film you made.

 

October 19th:  Ghoulies

  Ghoulies:  one of the best Gremlins-inspired films around.  Plus it's the film that gave Charles Band the idea to make nothing but killer puppet films.

 

October 18th:  Nosferatu

  There are two kinds of vampires:  Vampires that look like zombie bat monsters that want to drink your blood and sexy, sexy, sexy people who want to drink your blood that eventually (by the final act) turn into the other kind. 

 

October 17th:  The Chupacabra and ARTICLES!

  If you don't get the joke, I'm eternally grateful to you.  In my defense, when I first heard of this one the worst possible images flashed before my eyes.  As such, I had to share.  Implicatively, of course.

 

October 16th:  Tunneler (from Puppetmaster Series)

  Oh Charles Band, is there anything you can't do with puppets?  Wait.  Don't answer that.

 

October 15th:  Razorback, the killer pig

  Before that movie with Hannibal the Cannibal as a good guy, there was another film featuring man-eating pigs.  Well, just one but it was HUUUUUUGE.

October 14th:  The Brood Mother

  Review on its way, but in the meantime know that "The Brood" is one of my favorite films.  And I saw it for the very first time a couple of weeks ago.  It melted my head something fierce.  Not bad for something made before I was born.

October 13th:  After Spiders, this guy scared me the most.

   If you don't know who that's supposed to be, shame on you.  Oh, and I really hate snakes.

October 12th:  The Hills Have Eyes.

  They do.  It's true.  Just ask Wes Craven.

 

October 11th:  Biolante

When I was younger, I totally thought this monster's name was Biolatte...the evil bio-organic coffee that could defeat Godzilla.  Turns out Biolante is a giant mutant flower that thwarts Godzilla (version 2, from the 80s...sort of like the new Batman, from the 2000's).  It really was as freaking weird as it sounds. 

 

October 10th:  Phantom of the Opera

  You know, now that I think about it...there are so few villains who can get away with wearing a big fruity cape and still, you know, not come across as Bizarro Liberace or at the very least that fruity upstairs neighbor who flames a bit too much to be for real.  The only other one that I can think of might be Darth Vader.  I guess you have to be a disfigured freak to justify the cape.  Go figure. 

Oh and in case you missed it, I wrote a mistake-riddled article on this classic a while back.  Read it by clicking HERE.

 

October 9th:  The Witch

  I don't care if the movie is super old.  When we were little, most of us hated that Snow-White-poisoning bitch.

October 8th:  Space Godzilla

  Godzilla.  From Space.  Featured in what is, if you'll forgive my personal bias, the worst Godzilla movie around.

October 7th:  My Brother

  If you haven't seen the movie Basketcase, you really need to.

October 6th:  The Host

While sold as a horror movie, the movie "The Host" has got to be one of the best criticisms of U.S. Foreign policy around.  Seriously.  How many movies feature a giant lizard fish monster but the big twist is that the American government is the bad guy?  Don't answer that because now that I think about it, way too many film do.  Anyway, enjoy this inkjob I did of the very best moment in the film.  Nothing beats a monster vomiting an endless stream of human bones onto a little girl.

 

October 5th:  Bishamon

One of my favorite video game series of all time has got to be the Darkstalkers series.  If you don't know about it, all you need to know is that it's a Streetfighter clone....only featuring classic (and not-so-classic) monsters as the characters.  From Frankenstein to a Mummy to naked Catwomen to the cutest Yeti on the planet, I dig it waaaaay too much.  Also it may be one of the best Halloween-themed video games out there.  Bishamon here is the samurai in cursed armor and you have to love a guy with a mouth on his chest.  Oddly enough, 2 OTHER characters in the game have that same exact feature.  Go figure.

 

October 4th:  Necromantik

  3 years ago, I wrote a very short review of the Romance/Necrophilia film, Necromantik.  I still stand by my summary:  Boy meets girl.  Boy meets corpse.  Girl and Boy enjoy wild corpse sex together.  Girl leaves boy for corpse.  Boy kills himself.  Girl digs up Boy's body to have more wild corpse sex.  Sweet Jesus.

 

October 3rd:  The Stink Zombie with Review!

Enjoy the first of several Halloween Horror Reviews.

 

  If you've seen the film Reeker, you know all about this extremely crappy monster.  Read the above to find out more.

 

October 2nd:  Pan's Labyrinth...thing.

  If you haven't seen the film "Pan's Labyrinth", you really should.  While it's not what I would call a pure horror film, it has a few really scary damn things in it.  Like crap-your-pants scary.  That's a bit of an exaggeration...but I promise you when you watch this film for the very first time your fight or flight instincts will start to kick in. 

Oh and a message to those of you who've seen the film:  Remember in the monster's lair those murals depicting the monster eating children?  Who the heck did those?  Did the monster commission someone to paint portraits of himself mutilating children...or is the monster a painter himself?  And why do thoughts like these pop into my head when I should be worrying about fairies getting their heads bitten off?

 

October 1st:  The Great Pumpkin

  What can be said about one of the best Halloween specials around?  If you grew up when I did, this thing lived on infinite loop all through October.  This Halloween I wanted to start off with something....wholesome.  Because if you knew what I knew, you'd realize we can only go downhill from here. 

 

 

Some of you might not know that this is Head Injury Theater's 3rd Annual Halloween celebration.  For the sake of my favorite Holiday here's some links to Halloween 2005 & 2006...as well as the Pumpkin Doom that's become a tradition.

 

 

Oh, and don't forget this topical reading material:

 

    

 

   

 

 

Copyright 2006 jared von hindman, except for those Guild Wars images which are used here for comparison purposes and are the property of NCSoft.  If you're NCsoft, please don't sue.  Really.

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