Happy Kwanakah....everyone.

December...the month of stuff and pretending you're not allowed to say Christmas.

Below you'll find my Christmas Special, complete with strange audio. Beneath that you'll find the rest of my art in the usual format. You'll also find a link to the first card game I've made posted at the bottom. Enjoy.

Christmas Time! Below is a digital copy of what I mailed out to who I could. If your name's Tiffany, Derrick, Nadine, or Art, know that you were meant to get a copy...but the computer imploded and I feel bad about that. The rest of you, enjoy the Holiday magic, including audio clips containing the majesty that is my own voice! (For an explanation of what EXACTLY you're looking at, you can listen to the sort of long and dull introduction by clicking HERE.)

(Warning: Until someone who knows something about file compression saves my bacon, the sound files are sort of BIG. Also forgive the fact that a few of them aren't as loud as they should be.)

Jared retells the story of Frosty the Snowman (audio clip)

The funniest skit in the world about Eskimo labor (audio clip)

The story of Kwanzaa (audio clip)

The Complete List of Holidays! (audio clip)

Bonus Blooper-type thing! "Jared screws up the introduction" (audio clip)

I hope you all enjoy your holiday...and somehow tolerated the pain that is my speaking/squeaking voice. Here's a little something extra to all of you celebrating birthdays this week:

By the way, the audio clips will NOT be up on the site forever (unless someone knows a way to make them much, much smaller), so save them if you want to keep them around. Bandwidth is a bitch sometimes.

This Month's Non-Christmas Art:

Evil Santa 1, acyclic, watercolor, and ink.

Tinfoil Yuletide, watercolor & ink on tinfoil. Originally painted in December 2004, but somehow never got posted onto the site.

The Polar Express, watercolor & ink. Originally painted in December 2004 for an article that I keep forgetting to write.

Vampire Ink, ink & more ink.

"I dream of Ass", watercolor & ink. Originally part of the Drunk Art experiment, it never got posted because, well, the drunk art stuff was getting kind of weird and/or crappy.

Sad back-alley Meat Weasel, watercolor & acrylic. Oddly enough, I titled this before I'd read about King Kong. I never fathomed a goofy word for penis would ever be a monster in a Hollywood blockbuster.

"Step Right Up!", watercolor, acrylic, & ink.

Clockwork Demian, watercolor & ink. I don't have much to say about this one except that "Screw Me!" is a terrible title for this one and you need to stop emailing me about it.

Lovecraft's Magical Circus #1, watercolor, acrylic, and ink. One of my other options for last Halloween was doing nothing but H.P. Lovecraft inspired paintings. This was the original doodle from that series (not yet completed nor posted).

Sad Mr. Fishfin, acrylic, watercolor, and ink. One day someone will be able to tell me why the hell I like drawing fish people so much.

Chitin, acrylic and ink. Don't ask me. I don't know either.

" Randy's Good Eye, watercolor, acrylic, and ink. Sorry Randy, I had to.

Latex Iris, watercolor & ink. Tribute art featuring the main character from a comic I shouldn't tell you about called Latex Blue.

Waiting, watercolor & ink. I don't know why he's dressed like Charlie Brown either.

I also painted and made a 70-card game in 23 hours. It's pretty strange, but fun. Even stranger, I know people who are printing decks already. Goofy, right? Click below to see the magic and mystery.

Click HERE for the Iocaine Powder? Card Game!

Banners for this month:

Harry Potter?, The Cure to all Headaches, The Tits that Saved Christmas, I love the Olde Worlde

TAKE ME BACK!